This Valentine’s day, offering you free advice! No cashback, T&C*

Ever since Inception, Love has been romanticized beyond all recognition by writers & creators as some ultimate force aka GOD particle that binds this world together. In India, Marriage is cousin sister of Love. Girls, boys alike are brought up solely for purpose of getting married. Marriage is the single important event in an Indian’s life. Everyone is interested in their marriage and others marriage, equally. This is a nation where marriage industry must have more GDP than most other industries. Yet most Indians enter a marriage underprepared and expect Love to keep their marriage together.

Love is not a glue that can keep earth & water together or you and your partner together for eternity. Love is like a tiny short story inside the epic called Life. Life is not flashy, breezy like love and it’s not cool like romance. Behind every successful love scene, there are thousands of kms travel to reach the “love scene”, millions of waiting hours before “love scene” unfolds and trillions of slow moving “normal, regular” chores that lead up to “love scene”. We are not shown this in movies and literature because of the drama factor. Love cannot sustain forever, it peaks at beginning and rest of the data points are downwards. Picture this: Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, dating, touching, cooing and he impresses her, he impresses her friends, her family, he impresses her in all possible situations/scenarios, he takes care of her in difficult situations and then what? Love plateaus invariably unless you fall in love with another partner. Companionship is what matters and will sustain a relationship for ages. Ever wonder why you tend to stick with your friends and colleagues and yet you don’t divorce them? It’s because of companionship. In marriages, Love is the essential entry point to companionship but there are far more important things than love. For a couple, companionship basically means, you can stand him, and he can stand you.

Love is your right whereas companionship is your duty. There is no right without duty unless you live in some left liberal utopia. Companionship must have goals, ambitions and common interests that are closer to real life. The most important man-woman goal is “furthering the gene pool” err make kids, what else. Apart from making kids, appreciate your partner for what they are. World will be a wonderful place if you stop expecting your partner to be wonderful. Don’t try to change their core characteristics or behavior. Identify the pain points with your partner and come to an agreement on how to live around it. Talk wisely in a way that you are not faulting them for their behavior but trying to help yourself understand their problem. If you understand the opposing point of view honestly, half the problems in the world are solved. Spend time in doing what you like and what they like. And you should know how to take time off from the relationship. Have time for yourself and let your partner have theirs. Home loans, personal loans, school fees will take care of the rest. And of course, you need tons of patience. Love and marriage are an awful mix and many times couples have lost life searching for love. Do not look for a fairytale love life, instead settle for a fruitful companionship.

* = Love referred here is the one between male and female, as this author knows. Not assuming it for parental love or other varieties of love

** I have written in both girl and boy tone to sound gender neutral.

***Image source: 

https://steemit.com/writing/@will-ugo/i-love-you-or-do-i

http://answercare.org/